What bucket list?

Don’t get me wrong. I remain healthy and pretty fit (I think) for someone in their early 60s. Yet, when I read this week’s tragic account of a skydiving plane going down, it got me thinking about my bucket list. Or even more broadly, that bucket list concept. The next morning I finally got both my kayak and my body into the Willamette River, grateful my burn has healed enough. As I mused while gliding along, and later at home as I sipped tea, I knew that I’m damn lucky to simply enjoy living near such beauty.

I remember as a college student in Missoula accompanying a friend who was about to skydive out of a popular Bitterroot Valley dive location. I had chatted with this friend as he prepared for this adventure, and watched him board the plane. What I remember most is not wishing I was going, but feeling like I should want to. Hmm. I thought back then as an eighteen year old: maybe this should go on my bucket list since it seems to make it to the top of so many folks.

I appreciate being at the age where a bucket list is for things I really want without feeling pressure to add what others claim for themselves. But really, for me, I don’t even have an established list. No doubt, some of us get realistic about what we can do – both financially and health-wise. But more important, I think, is for us to be honest about what really beholds us. Our relationships and life state may change how we look at both what’s ahead of us, and what we want to prioritize. For example, while I absolutely loved the feeling of competing at volleyball and basketball – and I know people my age and older who still do – the sacrifice is simply not worth it to my vulnerable back. And while I’m thrilled I’ve run a couple marathons once, I have no need to do it again. And, it doesn’t make me sad to state that.

I had a good run, so to speak, with so many things. For this, I am grateful. What fills me now? Slow meanders in my kayak, rambling by foot (sometimes really fast!) a dozen miles if I’m so compelled, joining family and friends at the beach, and getting down on the floor or along the riverbank with my grandkid. More of my friends and I are admitting that, though we might have interest in traveling here or there, we too love exploring sites nearest to us now, including some we’ve never taken the time to pay attention to before. No, I don’t feel at all like I’m “settling for less.” Yes, I’m also planning to visit distant places, but whether it’s Scotland or the Galapagos or someplace else, I’m willing to allow synchronicity and a bit of impromptu decision-making to play a part in when and where. I’m also quite content to continue to be able to do what I’m doing in this life I have. That in itself feels like a gift.

Book recommendation

I sometimes have a difficult time putting an absolute “star” number on many of the books I read. In some respects I’m an easy grader as I can find something about it to recommend to others. Because, frankly, there are SO many books. And each is unique. It’s more often than not, I take away something special from each. This blog’s featured book is no different.

The first book I read by author Lisa See was Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, published in 2005. I’ve read this book twice. Since then I have read a number of her books, with my favorite being The Island of Sea Women (2019). I do not have Chinese heritage and find the details I learn to be fascinating, and occasionally, (like with the topic of foot binding) difficult to comprehend. Reading See’s work also makes me think of Mom. Yes, I mention the author’s work in the About This Book chapter of my memoir, From First Breath to Last.

“I recently read Peony in Love by Lisa See. As I neared its final pages, I was struck by the synchronicity between its plot with my attempt to make sense of the story I wanted to tell about Mom. Yes, I slowly understood. While See weaves stories shared by deceased ancestor wives, why not invite my own mother, who died in 2021, to inform this book?”

From First Breath to Last: A Story About Love, Womanhood and Aging

Lady Tan’s Circle of Women is a historical novel inspired by the true story of Tan Yunxian, a woman physician from 15th-century China. In all of See’s work, I am fascinated by how long ago these books are set. This novel struck even more of a chord for me having recently visiting the California Institute of Integral Studies where Mom received her doctorate. It is because of this program Mom not only traveled outside the U.S. for the first time at fifty-five, but visited India, Hong Kong, Japan, Thailand, and yes, China. The trip was one of the most meaningful in her life, and I appreciated being able to read aloud to her the journal entries she wrote about this trip in her last months. And of course, Mom dedicated her later professional life to mentoring other women. It was this paragraph from Lady Tan’s Circle of Women that spoke most to me:

“…I’ve been lucky to have been cared for and loved since childhood by a circle of women. Now it’s time for me to create a wider circle, so I can do for my daughers and other women in the household what Grandmother, Miss Zhao, Meiling, and even Poppy have done for me.”

Lady Tan’s Circle of Women by Lisa See.

One of the biggest joys in retirement is the extra time to read. I don’t feel guilty, even if my mom did, for finding time during the day to read rather than relegating library time to only before bed. I love being in the middle of one audiobook (thank you Libby – my current listen is Kin by Tayari Jones) and a different book (or two) on paper. If I’m reading a heavier or slower moving book (like my current read, Starry and Restless: Three Women Who Changed Work, Writing, and the World), it’s sometimes helpful for me to either take a break or intersperse a novel. And I continue my journey prioritizing local authors – I just began Sweethearts by Elizabeth Mitchell. Books give me such joy. (Even when my vegetable garden is breached by the too-curious-for his-britches neighborhood deer. But that’s another story, although I’m thinking about returning to my one-time children’s book idea titled The Sneaky Deer.)

Giving back: Because I can

MONEY I appreciate learning about not-for-profits I haven’t supported in the past but want to now. Earlier this year it was Heretic Coffee, a Portland shop that gives free breakfasts to SNAP recipients and others in need. This non-profit shop has given as many as 140 breakfasts out in a single day, using donations in part from their strong customer base. This week I am donating to the Sunshine Division, which I learned more about recently on OPB. Sunshine Division provides immediate food relief to Portland metro families and individuals in need including a unique “market style” format. I appreciate dedicated organizations that I can financially support and know they are making days better for some of our community. Especially needed now.

TIME Earlier this year I began a new volunteer role as a hospice companion. I appreciate supporting another non-profit with my time to do this, Housecall Providers. And if you read From First Breath to Last, you can know that any reference to hospice was indeed this special organization. I have been touched in this short time I’ve been involved, and know that my patient friend has too.

SPIRIT Finally, consciously being compassionate and kind. Even if just for a moment. Earlier today as I walked through a Trader Joe’s parking lot, a young male driver signalled for me to cross in front of his car as he waited. I waved to him in thanks, to which he smiled back and called from his window, “You have a good day!” Maybe because of my mood today or perhaps the state of so much hostility around us, my eyes smarted with tears of gratitude. It doesn’t take much to be kind.

Events

I’m excited for my upcoming events, including next Wed., June 24 at 5:30 in conversation with reporter Patrick Webb at the Astoria Public Library. If you are in the Portland-Vancouver area, check out the Northwest Media and Book Fest on Saturday, June 27 at Clark College in Vancouver. Learn more.

PS. Books!