I recently chatted with my nephew about friends and social challenges in high school, sharing my own decades ago experience at Lincoln High School. Yes, back then I did feel like a new kid, having moved into the district in the middle of eighth grade and not yet making close friends before entering the matrix of high school. And I learned by the time I graduated that I was a true floater. My one new found (and first ever) bestie moved across the country before sophomore year and although our distant friendship continued on, she was not part of my everyday life.

So, I floated. I floated between my friends on my sports teams. I floated to classmates who, like me, were serious about academics. I had friends in choir and band, though few that I did much with outside of school. Yes, I continued to be a teen who was also happy to do a lot of things alone. I’d like to think I was kind to everybody, the shy kids, the loud kids, and the popular kids. But I clearly remember an event when I recognized I was not part of a “clique” I thought I might have been. I learned after the fact about a weekend event. Alcohol too impacted me as I hated the taste and smell because of our family’s experience and history. I went to parties at first to make friends, held one of those plastic red cups, got drunk only once and hated it. Later I felt confident to show up and not drink. I had a couple boyfriends who preferred to get stoned and I recognized I didn’t like that either. And so, again, I floated.

While I only now understand how much of my life I have floated between individuals and groups in my friendships, it was as a newly published author when I felt an angst I hadn’t noticed since high school. I don’t remember ever feeling this way during my career or within my profession. That’s not to say that there weren’t some people that I was closer to than others. But in the safety and health profession, I really did feel seen, acknowledged, appreciated and visible. I’m hopeful that’s something our profession continues to strive for.

You might have an inkling about how my brain works, if you’ve followed this blog. True to my nature, I started wondering what makes some of us more likely to float socially between groups of people? At least one source identified those of us who identify that way to identify as ambiverts (or someone who exhibits both introvert and extrovert traits). Naturally, then I begin to wonder: does our basic personality make us more likely to be this way? Or do circumstances move us in that direction? I did consult a little “expert” help here to tease into these questions.

Floater “Traits”

Adaptability

Yes, I did recognize myself with many of these so-called traits and behaviors that cause someone to be a floater. Traits like “high adaptability” and even able to be a “social chameleon.” We do read the room readily and make decisions quickly, sometimes matching our energy to what we perceive. I have no doubt my childhood primed me for this. Living as an only daughter in a rural area without strong close (neighborhood like kid gang) ties, and then moving to new communities and schools twice between the ages of 11-13. Yikes, those seventh and eighth grades can be socially tough for any kid.

Low need for group identity

Hmm. I think I had a need but I got used to not having one. At least not until playing team sports. As I review those first twenty years of my life, team sports were absolutely where I felt group identity. And, I’d say that was very important for me in those times.

Openness and curiosity

Without a doubt, I have always been curious about people to the point where I am a darn good eavesdropper (consider yourself warned). I have high facial recognition and wonder a lot about folks. I claim it helps me write characters. I still remember once being at our local Safeway where I began a conversation with someone in the produce department, telling her we both rode the same bus into Portland. Honestly, I think she thought I was a bit of a weirdo for saying this, and her blank expression let me know she did not recognize me any more than other shoppers eyeing lettuce or apples.

Conflict avoidance

Ooh, I find this interesting. In my twenties during my dad’s early journey in recovery I recognized conflict avoidance as a common trait of adult children of alcoholics. I think I do still tend to be this way but honestly trying to fight myself out of that box.

Situational friendships

100% fit for me. In high school and college, my friends were the ones I shared classes with, team sports, music or other interests, like being part of MontPIRG in college.

And Now?

As I examine behaviors identified as floater personalities, I see myself clearly. I do have a broad network with friends and acquaintances from many places of my past. While I am not a true extrovert, I am comfortable sitting and making conversation with just about anyone. In fact, I find this both deeply challenging and satisfying most of the time, though sometimes exhausting if it goes on too long. (Yes, it is because of this my spouse occasionally says I talk too much. But in fairness, so does he!) And while there are other behaviors I relate to, I only now recognize the strongest one: periodic social fatigue or isolation. A direct quote about this includes “known by many, but fully understood by few” and speaks to me. I’m both old and honest enough to recognize this might (still) simply be my own stuff. But it is this exact thing that led me to write this blog.

I commend the profession I have been part of in helping me feel to have have been part of the gang. Maybe this is due, in part, to the jobs I’ve held over the years, and the position expectation of networking. I am sure not everyone feels this way. And yet, I am grateful to have found – and I hope dearly that I both convey and live this – that the various opportunities, groups and networks within occupational safety and health professionals are open to all. Most of us, even those of us retired, really are there to encourage others to be part of the profession, to grow and participate. I thank strong professional society leadership and volunteerism for helping to achieve this open invitation.

Perhaps, that is why – here in this later part of my life – I was thrown for a loop as I began to feel, not just a floater, but outside the arena as a new published author. This is where I’ve really tried hard to reach out and connect with others who likely feel as I do. Rather than push back on why I”m not seen elsewhere, I have appreciated doing what I do best – connecting with others, floating in and out as it works. And trying hard to take none of it personally.

What about you? Does any of this speak to your personality? If it does, I imagine we get along fabulously. And if we haven’t met? Reach out. I’d love to hear from you. Who knows what we might connect on!

PS. Upcoming Events

Third Tuesday Author: Dede Montgomery for the Lake Oswego Public Library!

Event Details:

Date & Time: Tuesday, September 15, 2026 – 5:30pm to 6:30pm
Location: Lake Oswego Public Library at 706 4th Street in Lake Oswego

You can find more information here:
Library Calendar Event Link: Third Tuesday Author: Dede Montgomery | City of Lake Oswego

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